The secret to building a culture of feedback where everyone thrives
There are plenty of organizations out there that have a “culture of feedback,” which could mean:
We do performance reviews 2x a year instead of 1x a year (and then maybe we forget those reviews even happened until it’s time for the next one).
Bosses are expected to critique their direct reports and team members whenever/howerver they want. Team mates are expected to take it - no matter what.
We tried 360 reviews once but decided it was too much work (or people didn’t like what they heard), so we stopped doing them.
Rarely does it mean:
We have structured feedback sessions that are multi-directional (boss-to-teammate, teammate-to-boss, teammate-to-teammate, boss-to-boss, across levels, between silos, etc.).
We have frequent unstructured feedback conversations that actively elevate everyone involved.
The idea of creating an organizational culture where people thrive because they consistently expect it and respond well to feedback can seem like an insurmountable task. Maybe even a foolhardy task when we consider some of the recalcitrant, argumentative (aka fragile and lacking emotional intelligence) personalities in our workplaces.
The secret is: it’s not that hard, and you can start today.
It involves a 1-step process:
Ask for feedback.
That’s it.
Asking for feedback is something within your control and can be amazingly beneficial to you personally while also creating a culture of feedback within your organization.
If the idea of asking for feedback makes you feel like being thrown out of a plane without a parachute, there are ways to make it easier.
Start small and specific.
Think about something small you want to do well (or be recognized for doing well). Maybe it’s “have a positive tone in an email,” or “offer one piece of useful advice.” Pick something specific to you and a situation. After the situation happens (the email or advice conversation), ask the other person involved, “Did my email have a positive tone?” or “What useful advice did you get from this conversation?” Whatever they say in response, your reply is “Thanks for the feedback,” or “Thanks for the feedback, I’ll think about that.” That’s it. No back-and-forth. You’re modeling receptivity here. You will gain their feedback AND simultaneously open the door to more similar conversations they initiate.
Next, try small, specific, and proactive.
Before the next situation where you want feedback, tell the other person what you want them to look for, then ask for that feedback. It could be something like: “I want this email to sound authoritative. Here it is….” and after the email, “How did that land for you?” You will get a valuable perspective on the authoritative nature of your communication, AND continue to build that feedback culture. Of course, your response to whatever they say is “Thanks for the feedback,” or “Thank you for the feedback, I’ll think about that.”
Another small, specific, and proactive feedback question can be: “I’m going to ask you for the highlight of this meeting after it’s over,” and then ask them that at the end. This is a good step if you’re building your feedback-receiving muscles. Your response can still be the same as above. We’re not fishing for compliments here - just norming positive feedback as a thing.
You can take gradual steps toward increasing the scope of the feedback by clarifying what you’re seeking and how many people are involved. For example, saving the last five minutes of a training you led to ask everyone, “What feedback do you have on this session?”
If feedback culture building is a radical concept at your workplace, practice these first two options many times with many different people at your organization (including your boss, your direct report, your teammate, your colleague in a different department, your mentor, your mentee - everyone) before trying the following option: priming the other person to ask for feedback.
This happens when you know something will happen, and you set up the person doing the thing to receive feedback. For example, you know a colleague will be leading a meeting, so before the meeting, you say to them, “What do you want to have land especially well during this meeting?” or “What is your #1 goal for this meeting?” or “I know you’re working on xyz. Can I give you my impression on xyz happening during this meeting?”
After the meeting, you provide super clear and direct feedback ONLY on the thing they said was their focus, WITHOUT solutionizing! “You said your goal was an efficient meeting, I found it to be a 7 our ot 10 with 10 being maximum efficiency.” We love being helpful and giving solutions or ideas for others, but in this situation, you’re trying to build the culture of feedback first, so DON’T DO IT. It will be much more effective if they come up with ways to meet their goals instead of you telling them what to do.
If (and only if) they ask, “What would make it a 10?” You can offer ONE suggestion for them to try. This isn’t a time to show off your brilliant perspective and gigantic level of experience - this is a time to build connection and culture. Do not get sucked into being an all-wise oracle! Quickly wrap up the conversation with something like, “I hope you think about this feedback,” and move on. Your goal is to make people expect feedback that is relevant to their goals (not to position yourself as the problem-solver).
You’re working on creating a space where others ask for feedback before or after doing something. This collective habit (aka cultural norm) will dramatically accelerate individual development while providing more space for creativity - two common elements of thriving people within a thriving organization.
If “feedback” is a toxic word in your organization, do the “priming them for feedback” step many times before even using the word “feedback.”
When you ask for feedback (and respond to it with equanimity), you build trust and respect in your working relationships. Yes, you might get some wildly useless feedback, but even in those cases, you are learning something about the other person's perspective and thought processes. That is still increasing trust and respect. There might also be a kernel of valuable truth or insight underneath a poorly presented piece of feedback. Sometimes you have to dig up the gold yourself.
You may find yourself in a calcified situation where you repeatedly ask for feedback (the first time will be the worst time - it gets easier) and nothing seems to shift within the culture. You may end up creating a feedback bubble around yourself, while cultural growth is so slow as to appear non-existent. That’s ok. Even in this type of scenario, you will build stronger relationships as you improve your skills and abilities. You may end up creating your own bubble of thriving within a scummy environment. That is a worthwhile accomplishment.